Entertainment news Updates

Rajeev Masand in Conversation with the Dangal Director Nitesh Tiwari

Friday, December 8 2017

Rajeev Masand in Conversation with the Dangal Director Nitesh Tiwari

#On Now Showing this week, Rajeev Masand , Entertainment Editor, CNN-News18, will speak to Dangal fame director Nitesh Tiwari about the film that had a deep impact on him and changed his life. In an exclusive preview, the viewers will get to see all the action from the Star Wars fan event in Tokyo that the cast & crew of Star Wars: The Last Jedi in attendance, including Luke Skywalker himself. In another special segment the stars of Netflix’s popular series The Crown – Claire Foy and Matt Smith – will be expressing their views on playing Queen Elizabeth II & her husband Prince Philip. The viewers can also test their reel knowledge and win exclusive DVDs and movie vouchers by participating in The Really Tough Movie Quiz. Catch Now Showing on Friday @ 11:30PM with repeats on Saturday and Sunday at 2:30 PM and 8:30 PM, only on CNN-News18

London and Dublin clash over significance of Brexit agreement - BT.com

Sunday, December 10 2017

London and Dublin clash over significance of Brexit agreement - BT.com

London and Dublin clash over significance of Brexit agreement The document on legacy issues like the Irish border was hammered out to allow talks to proceed. Share this Print this story London and Dublin have clashed over whether the Brexit agreement intended to trigger trade talks is legally binding or not. The dispute was sparked when Brexit Secretary David Davis insisted it was much more a statement of intent than “legally enforceable”. The Irish government responded strongly, stating the deal was “binding” and it would hold the UK “to account” on it. The document on legacy issues like the Irish border was hammered out in order to allow the remaining EU27 states to approve Brexit talks shifting to a phase two trade negotiation at a summit this week where Dublin wields a veto. Irish Taoiseach Leo Varadkar heralded the last-minute deal meant to prevent the return of a hard border between Northern Ireland and the Republic as “politically bullet-proof” and “cast iron”. The Irish government’s chief whip, Joe McHugh, branded the Brexit Secretary’s comments as “bizarre”. He told RTE: “We will as a government, a sovereign government in Ireland, be holding the United Kingdom to account, as will the European Union. (Jeff Overs/BBC/PA) “My question to anybody within the British Government would be, why would there be an agreement, a set of principled agreements, in order to get to phase two, if they weren’t going to be held up? That just sounds bizarre to me. “This, as far as we’re concerned, is a binding agreement, an agreement in principle.” Mr McHugh said the Irish government would not “back away” from the Brexit principles if it comes under pressure from the rest of the EU during trade talks with the UK. In the wake of some Brexiteers expressing concern the agreement said the UK would have “full alignment” with the EU on regulations and standards that impacted on Northern Ireland, Mr Davis told BBC1’s The Andrew Marr Show: “This was a statement of intent more than anything else. I've consistently said that we want to build a deep and special partnership with the EU as we implement the decision of the British people to leave in March 2019. Today’s deal will provide clarity and certainty for UK business and for all our citizens. pic.twitter.com/9eiMzVCAZS — Theresa May (@theresa_may) December 8, 2017 “Much more a statement of intent than it was a legally enforceable thing.” The comments came after reports that some hardline Brexiteers had been assured by the Government that the term full alignment was “meaningless”. Mr Davis said the chances of Britain leaving the EU without a trade deal have “dropped dramatically”. David Davis is a mess on #Marr and shows why the U.K. is having such a problem negotiating a deal. Only fools and horses was meant to be a comedy not a blueprint for #brexit — Angela Rayner (@AngelaRayner) December 10, 2017 The Cabinet heavyweight insisted the agreement with Brussels to trigger talks on a post-Brexit relationship made the prospect of the UK being forced back into World Trade Organisation (WTO) tariff arrangements after withdrawal much less likely. The Brexit Secretary said: “The odds, as it were, against a WTO, or no deal outcome, have dropped dramatically.” Mr Davis said a trade deal was “not that complicated”, and suggested a version of the agreement the EU made with Canada, which he dubbed “Canada plus, plus, plus” because it would include areas such as financial services. A Government source said: “There is no question of our commitment to the text of the joint report. “Ministers, the Irish government, and the European Commission all agree that it is the withdrawal agreement itself which has status in law.” Share this

Book Review: Kartikeya The Destroyer's Son by Anuja Chandramouli

Sunday, December 10 2017

Book Review: Kartikeya The Destroyer's Son by Anuja Chandramouli

Price: Rs. 295/- ( I got the book for review from the autho r ) Behind the Book Unravel the puzzle that is the mysterious and misunderstood son of Mahadeva. Kartikeya was born from the flames of a desperate need, an ardent desire and an utmost devastation. In him was distilled the terrible powers of Mahadeva, at its fiercest and most deadly. Although he fought many wars and slew many tyrants, his gifts to humanity have always been those of mercy, compassion and love. What makes this possible? For Kartikeya, there have always been more questions than answers. Did he really walk away from his family over a piece of fruit? What about the women in his life—was he the ravisher he is at times accused of being, or the protector of women? Was he the violent warrior who revelled in bloodlust, or a gentle family man? What was his relationship with his more popular sibling, Ganesha? Anuja Chandramouli weaves together myth, imagination and folklore while looking to answer these questions and recreates for modern readers the story of one of the most enigmatic gods—Kartikeya. About the Author Anuja Chandramouli is a bestselling Indian author and New Age Indian Classicist. Her highly acclaimed debut novel, Arjuna: Saga of a Pandava Warrior-Prince, was named by Amazon India as one of the top 5 books in the Indian Writing category for the year 2013. Kamadeva: The God of Desire and Shakti: The Divine Feminine are her other bestsellers. Currently all three books are being translated into Hindi, Marathi, Gujarathi and Bengali, a real achievement for one so young. Her epic fantasies called Yama’s Lieutenant and its sequel has received an overwhelming response. Her newest books are on Kartikeya, Padmavati and Prithviraj Chauhan. An accomplished orator, she regularly conducts workshops on Creative Writing, Story Telling and Mythology in schools, colleges and various other platforms. Her motivational speeches have also been well received. According to Chandramouli, her work with youngsters in the rural belt helping them improve their Spoken English and Writing skills has been wonderfully satisfying and enriching. This happily married, mother of two little girls, lives in Sivakasi, Tamil Nadu. She is a student of classical dance and Yoga. She can be reached at : [email protected] Author Anuja Chandramouli is someone I admire a lot for her well researched writings on Indian mythology. I have loved her Arjuna and since then have been lucky enough to have read all her works till date. It is overwhelming to see the growth she has made as a writer and the way her writing had got new layers. The books now are more layered, detailed and well articulated. It is wonderful to have witnessed an author's journey from their debut book and see them touch newer heights with every book. Kudos to the author for outdoing her self with every new book and managing to raise the bar every single time. Coming to Kartikeya, this is a story I always wanted to read. Having grown up listening to them as a child (my brother is named after Him), this was one mythological character about whom not many books are found. So when I got this opportunity there was no ways I was going to miss this one. Like her previous outings, author Anuja Chandramouli sticks to the central character unveiling layer after layer about Him with every passing chapter. It is a revelation of sorts to know so many things about Him which shows her research. Written in an extremely engaging tone, the book captures the life of the elder son of Lord Shiva and Goddess Parvati very beautifully. What I love the most about the author's works is that she ensures mythology looks interesting, engaging and at the same time is entertaining for a reader. It is a huge plus point to make sure a book is a page turning read. Few passages left me with goosebumps with the sheer detailing in the narrative. Without giving away any spoilers I would like to mention that there were many scenes in the story where my heart skipped in beat. It was either in extreme joy or extreme excitement but nevertheless the scenes were nail biting and kept me on the tenterhooks till the very end. Out of the many lessons that emerge from this story, one that strongly remains etched in my memory is that not everything in life is black(bad) and white(good), there are grey shades too and they are better left untouched. Strongly recommended to one and all, for this book is a rare read. Foodie Verdict

Pawan Kalyan's Agnyaathavaasi dethrones Baahubali - Cinema Express

Sunday, December 10 2017

Pawan Kalyan's Agnyaathavaasi dethrones Baahubali - Cinema Express

Interviews Pawan Kalyan's Agnyaathavaasi dethrones Baahubali The film which is scheduled for release next month will, reportedly, be screened at a record number of screens in North America Express Features | Published: 10th December 2017 Share Via Email Pawan Kalyan's Agnyaathavaasi , which is gearing up for a big Sankranthi release on January 10 has now reportedly broken a big record that Baahubali was holding on to. Apparently, the film will be getting released in a record number of screens in North America. Pawan Kalyan's upcoming film will be screened in nearly 500 screens in the US as compared to all versions of Baahubali 2 , which were shown in 462 screens. Directed by Trivikram Srinivas, Agnyaathavaasi has a huge ensemble cast featuring the likes of Keerthy Suresh, Aadhi Pinisetty, Anu Emmanuel, Boman Irani, Kushboo, and Parag Tyagi. With a musical score by Anirudh Ravichander, the film is produced under the Haarika & Hassine Creations banner. TAGS

Every successful relationship is successful for the same exact reasons

Saturday, December 9 2017

Every successful relationship is successful for the same exact reasons

Respect each other. (Reuters/Lucy Nicholson) Share Mark Manson January 13, 2017 Hey, guess what? I got married two weeks ago. And like most people, I asked some of the older and wiser folks around me for a couple quick words of advice from their own marriages to make sure my wife and I didn’t shit the (same) bed. I think most newlyweds do this, especially after a few cocktails from the open bar they just paid way too much money for. But, of course, not being satisfied with just a few wise words, I had to take it a step further. See, I have access to hundreds of thousands of smart, amazing people through my site. So why not consult them? Why not ask them for their best relationship/marriage advice? Why not synthesize all of their wisdom and experience into something straightforward and immediately applicable to any relationship, no matter who you are? Why not crowdsource THE ULTIMATE RELATIONSHIP GUIDE TO END ALL RELATIONSHIP GUIDES™ from the sea of smart and savvy partners and lovers here? So, that’s what I did. I sent out the call the week before my wedding: anyone who has been married for 10+ years and is still happy in their relationship, what lessons would you pass down to others if you could? What is working for you and your partner? And if you’re divorced, what didn’t work previously? The response was overwhelming. Almost 1,500 people replied, many of whom sent in responses measured in pages, not paragraphs. It took almost two weeks to comb through them all, but I did. And what I found stunned me… They were incredibly repetitive. That’s not an insult or anything. Actually, it’s kind of the opposite. These were all smart and well-spoken people from all walks of life, from all around the world, all with their own histories, tragedies, mistakes, and triumphs… And yet they were all saying pretty much the same dozen things. Which means that those dozen or so things must be pretty damn important… and more importantly, they work. Here’s what they are: 1. Be together for the right reasons Don’t ever be with someone because someone else pressured you to. I got married the first time because I was raised Catholic and that’s what you were supposed to do. Wrong. I got married the second time because I was miserable and lonely and thought having a loving wife would fix everything for me. Also wrong. Took me three tries to figure out what should have been obvious from the beginning, the only reason you should ever be with the person you’re with is because you simply love being around them. It really is that simple. – Greg Before we even get into what you should do in your relationship, let’s start with what not to do. When I sent out my request to readers for advice, I added a caveat that turned out to be illuminating. I asked people who were on their second or third (or fourth) marriages what they did wrong. Where did they mess up? By far, the most common answer was “being with the person for the wrong reasons.” Some of these wrong reasons included: Pressure from friends and family Feeling like a “loser” because they were single and settling for the first person that came along Being together for image—because the relationship looked good on paper (or in photos), not because the two people actually admired each other Being young and naive and hopelessly in love and thinking that love would solve everything As we’ll see throughout the rest of this article, everything that makes a relationship “work” (and by work, I mean that it is happy and sustainable for both people involved) requires a genuine, deep-level admiration for each other. Without that mutual admiration, everything else will unravel. The other “wrong” reason to enter into a relationship is, like Greg said, to “fix” yourself. This desire to use the love of someone else to soothe your own emotional problems inevitably leads to codependence, an unhealthy and damaging dynamic between two people where they tacitly agree to use each other’s love as a distraction from their own self-loathing. We’ll get more into codependence later in this article, but for now, it’s useful to point out that love, itself, is neutral. It is something that can be both healthy or unhealthy, helpful or harmful, depending on why and how you love someone else and are loved by someone else. By itself, love is never enough to sustain a relationship. 2. Have realistic expectations about relationships and romance You are absolutely not going to be absolutely gaga over each other every single day for the rest of your lives, and all this “happily ever after” bullshit is just setting people up for failure. They go into relationship with these unrealistic expectations. Then, the instant they realize they aren’t “gaga” anymore, they think the relationship is broken and over, and they need to get out. No! There will be days, or weeks, or maybe even longer, when you aren’t all mushy-gushy in-love. You’re even going to wake up some morning and think, “Ugh, you’re still here….” That’s normal! And more importantly, sticking it out is totally worth it, because that, too, will change. In a day, or a week, or maybe even longer, you’ll look at that person and a giant wave of love will inundate you, and you’ll love them so much you think your heart can’t possibly hold it all and is going to burst. Because a love that’s alive is also constantly evolving. It expands and contracts and mellows and deepens. It’s not going to be the way it used to be, or the way it will be, and it shouldn’t be. I think if more couples understood that, they’d be less inclined to panic and rush to break up or divorce. – Paula Love is a funny thing. In ancient times, people genuinely considered love a sickness. Parents warned their children against it, and adults quickly arranged marriages before their children were old enough to do something dumb in the name of their emotions. That’s because love, while making us feel all giddy and high as if we had just snorted a shoebox full of cocaine, makes us highly irrational. We all know that guy (or girl) who dropped out of school, sold their car, and spent the money to elope on the beaches of Tahiti. We all also know that that guy (or girl) ended up sulking back a few years later feeling like a moron, not to mention broke. That’s unbridled love. It’s nature’s way of tricking us into doing insane and irrational things to procreate with another person—probably because if we stopped to think about the repercussions of having kids, and being with the same person forever and ever, no one would ever do it. As Robin Williams used to joke, “God gave man a brain and a penis and only enough blood to operate one at a time.” Romantic love is a trap designed to get two people to overlook each other’s faults long enough to get some babymaking done. It generally only lasts for a few years at most. That dizzying high you get staring into your lover’s eyes as if they are the stars that make up the heavens—yeah, that mostly goes away. It does for everybody. So, once it’s gone, you need to know that you’ve buckled yourself down with a human being you genuinely respect and enjoy being with, otherwise things are going to get rocky. True love—that is, deep, abiding love that is impervious to emotional whims or fancy—is a choice. It’s a constant commitment to a person regardless of the present circumstances. It’s a commitment to a person who you understand isn’t going to always make you happy—nor should they!—and a person who will need to rely on you at times, just as you will rely on them. That form of love is much harder. Primarily because it often doesn’t feel very good. It’s unglamorous. It’s lots of early morning doctor’s visits. It’s cleaning up bodily fluids you’d rather not be cleaning up. It’s dealing with another person’s insecurities and fears and ideas, even when you don’t want to. But this form of love is also far more satisfying and meaningful. And, at the end of the day, it brings true happiness, not just another series of highs. Happily Ever After doesn’t exist. Every day you wake up and decide to love your partner and your life—the good, the bad and the ugly. Some days it’s a struggle and some days you feel like the luckiest person in the world. – Tara Many people never learn how to breach this deep, unconditional love . Many people are instead addicted to the ups and downs of romantic love. They are in it for the feels, so to speak. And when the feels run out, so do they. Many people get into a relationship as a way to compensate for something they lack or hate within themselves . This is a one-way ticket to a toxic relationship because it makes your love conditional—you will love your partner as long as they help you feel better about yourself. You will give to them as long as they give to you. You will make them happy as long as they make you happy. This conditionality prevents any true, deep-level intimacy from emerging and chains the relationship to the bucking throes of each person’s internal dramas. 3. The most important factor in a relationship is not communication, but respect What I can tell you is the #1 thing, most important above all else is respect. It’s not sexual attraction, looks, shared goals, religion or lack of, nor is it love. There are times when you won’t feel love for your partner. That is the truth. But you never want to lose respect for your partner. Once you lose respect you will never get it back. – Laurie As we scanned through the hundreds of responses we received, my assistant and I began to notice an interesting trend. People who had been through divorces and/or had only been with their partners for 10-15 years almost always talked about communication being the most important part of making things work. Talk frequently. Talk openly. Talk about everything, even if it hurts. And there is some merit to that (which I’ll get to later). But we noticed that the thing people with marriages going on 20, 30, or even 40 years talked about most was respect. My sense is that these people, through sheer quantity of experience, have learned that communication, no matter how open, transparent and disciplined, will always break down at some point. Conflicts are ultimately unavoidable, and feelings will always be hurt. And the only thing that can save you and your partner, that can cushion you both to the hard landing of human fallibility , is an unerring respect for one another, the fact that you hold each other in high esteem, believe in one another—often more than you each believe in yourselves—and trust that your partner is doing his/her best with what they’ve got. Without that bedrock of respect underneath you, you will doubt each other’s intentions. You will judge their choices and encroach on their independence. You will feel the need to hide things from one another for fear of criticism. And this is when the cracks in the edifice begin to appear. My husband and I have been together 15 years this winter. I’ve thought a lot about what seems to be keeping us together, while marriages around us crumble (seriously, it’s everywhere… we seem to be at that age). The one word that I keep coming back to is “respect.” Of course, this means showing respect, but that is too superficial. Just showing it isn’t enough. You have to feel it deep within you. I deeply and genuinely respect him for his work ethic, his patience, his creativity, his intelligence, and his core values. From this respect comes everything else—trust, patience, perseverance (because sometimes life is really hard and you both just have to persevere). I want to hear what he has to say (even if I don’t agree with him) because I respect his opinion. I want to enable him to have some free time within our insanely busy lives because I respect his choices of how he spends his time and who he spends time with. And, really, what this mutual respect means is that we feel safe sharing our deepest, most intimate selves with each other. – Nicole You must also respect yourself. Just as your partner must also respect his/herself. Because without that self-respect, you will not feel worthy of the respect afforded by your partner. You will be unwilling to accept it and you will find ways to undermine it. You will constantly feel the need to compensate and prove yourself worthy of love, which will just backfire. Respect for your partner and respect for yourself are intertwined. As a reader named Olov put it, “Respect yourself and your wife. Never talk badly to or about her. If you don’t respect your wife, you don’t respect yourself. You chose her—live up to that choice.” So what does respect look like ? Common examples given by many readers: NEVER talk shit about your partner or complain about them to your friends. If you have a problem with your partner, you should be having that conversation with them , not with your friends. Talking bad about them will erode your respect for them and make you feel worse about being with them, not better. Respect that they have different hobbies, interests, and perspectives from you. Just because you would spend your time and energy differently, doesn’t mean it’s better/worse. Respect that they have an equal say in the relationship, that you are a team, and if one person on the team is not happy, then the team is not succeeding. No secrets. If you’re really in this together and you respect one another, everything should be fair game. Have a crush on someone else? Discuss it. Laugh about it. Had a weird sexual fantasy that sounds ridiculous? Be open about it. Nothing should be off-limits. Respect goes hand-in-hand with trust. And trust is the lifeblood of any relationship (romantic or otherwise). Without trust, there can be no sense of intimacy or comfort. Without trust, your partner will become a liability in your mind, something to be avoided and analyzed, not a protective homebase for your heart and your mind. 4. Talk openly about everything, especially the stuff that hurts We always talk about what’s bothering us with each other, not anyone else! We have so many friends who are in marriages that are not working well and they tell me all about what is wrong. I can’t help them, they need to be talking to their spouse about this, that’s the only person who can help them figure it out. If you can figure out a way to be able to always talk with your spouse about what’s bugging you then you can work on the issue. – Ronnie There can be no secrets. Secrets divide you. Always. – Tracey I receive hundreds of emails from readers each week asking for life advice . A large percentage of these emails involve their struggling romantic relationships. (These emails, too, are surprisingly repetitive.) A couple years ago, I discovered that I was answering the vast majority of these relationship emails with the exact same response. “Take this email you just sent to me, print it out, and show it to your partner. Then come back and ask again.” This response became so common that I actually put it on my contact form on the site because I was so tired of copying and pasting it. If something bothers you in the relationship, you must be willing to say it. Saying it builds trust and trust builds intimacy. It may hurt, but you still need to do it. No one else can fix your relationship for you. Nor should anyone else. Just as causing pain to your muscles allows them to grow back stronger, often introducing some pain into your relationship through vulnerability is the only way to make the relationship stronger. Behind respect, trust was the most commonly mentioned trait for a healthy relationship. Most people mentioned it in the context of jealousy and fidelity —trust your partner to go off on their own, don’t get insecure or angry if you see them talking with someone else, etc. But trust goes much deeper than that. Because when you’re really talking about the long-haul, you start to get into some serious life-or-death shit. If you ended up with cancer tomorrow, would you trust your partner to stick with you and take care of you? Would you trust your partner to care for your child for a week by themselves? Do you trust them to handle your money or make sound decisions under pressure? Do you trust them to not turn on you or blame you when you make mistakes? These are hard things to do. And they’re even harder to think about early on in a relationship. Trust at the beginning of a relationship is easy. It’s like, “Oh, I forgot my phone at her apartment, I trust her not to sell it and buy crack with the money… I think.” But the deeper the commitment, the more intertwined your lives become, and the more you will have to trust your partner to act in your interest in your absence. There’s an old Ben Folds song where he sings, “It seems to me if you cannot trust, you cannot be trusted.” Distrust has a tendency to breed distrust. If your partner is always snooping through your stuff, accusing you of doing things you didn’t do, and questioning all of your decisions, naturally, you will start to question their intentions as well—Why is she so insecure? What if she is hiding something herself? The key to fostering and maintaining trust in the relationship is for both partners to be completely transparent and vulnerable: If something is bothering you, say something. This is important not only for addressing issues as they arise, but it proves to your partner that you have nothing to hide. Those icky, insecure things you hate sharing with people? Share them with your partner. Not only is it healing, but you and your partner need to have a good understanding of each other’s insecurities and the way you each choose to compensate for them. Make promises and then stick to them . The only way to truly rebuild trust after it’s been broken is through a proven track record over time. You cannot build that track record until you own up to previous mistakes and set about correcting them. Learn to discern your partner’s own shady behavior from your own insecurities (and vice-versa). This is hard and will likely require confrontation to get to the bottom of. But in most relationship fights, one person thinks something is completely “normal” and the other thinks it’s really grade-A “fucked up.” It’s often extremely hard to distinguish who is being irrational and insecure and who is being reasonable and merely standing up for themselves. Be patient in rooting out what’s what, and when it’s your big, gnarly insecurity (and sometimes it will be, trust me), be honest about it. Own up to it. And strive to be better. Trust is like a china plate. If you drop it and it breaks, you can put it back together with a lot of work and care. If you drop it and break it a second time, it will split into twice as many pieces and it will require far more time and care to put back together again. But drop and break it enough times, and it will shatter into so many pieces that you will never be able to put it back together again, no matter what you do. 5. A healthy relationship means two healthy individuals Understand that it is up to you to make yourself happy, it is NOT the job of your spouse. I am not saying you shouldn’t do nice things for each other, or that your partner can’t make you happy sometimes. I am just saying don’t lay expectations on your partner to “make you happy.” It is not their responsibility. Figure out as individuals what makes you happy as an individual, be happy yourself, then you each bring that to the relationship. – Mandy A lot is made about “sacrifices” in a relationship. You are supposed to keep the relationship happy by consistently sacrificing yourself for your partner and their wants and needs. There is some truth to that. Every relationship requires each person to consciously choose to give something up at times. But the problem is when all of the relationship’s happiness is contingent on the other person and both people are in a constant state of sacrifice. Just read that again. That sounds horrible. It reminds me of an old Marilyn Manson song, “Shoot myself to love you; if I loved myself, I’d be shooting you.” A relationship based on sacrifices cannot be sustained, and will eventually become damaging to both individuals in it. Shitty, codependent relationships have an inherent stability because you’re both locked in an implicit bargain to tolerate the other person’s bad behavior because they’re tolerating yours, and neither of you wants to be alone. On the surface, it seems like “compromising in relationships because that’s what people do,” but the reality is that resentments build up, and both parties become the other person’s emotional hostage against having to face and deal with their own bullshit (it took me 14 years to realize this, by the way). – Karen A healthy and happy relationship requires two healthy and happy individuals . Keyword here: “individuals.” That means two people with their own identities , their own interests and perspectives, and things they do by themselves, on their own time. This is why attempting to control your partner (or submitting control over yourself to your partner) to make them “happy” ultimately backfires—it allows the individual identities of each person to be destroyed, the very identities that attracted each person and brought them together in the first place. Don’t try to change them. This is the person you chose. They were good enough to marry so don’t expect them to change now. – Allison Don’t ever give up who you are for the person you’re with. It will only backfire and make you both miserable. Have the courage to be who you are, and most importantly, let your partner be who they are. Those are the two people who fell in love with each other in the first place. – Dave But how does one do this? Well, it’s a bit counterintuitive. But it’s something hundreds and hundreds of successful couples echoed in their emails… 6. Give each other space Be sure you have a life of your own, otherwise it is harder to have a life together. What do I mean? Have your own interests, your own friends, your own support network, and your own hobbies. Overlap where you can, but not being identical should give you something to talk about and expose one another to. It helps to expand your horizons as a couple, but isn’t so boring as both living the exact same life. – Anonymous Among the emails, one of the most popular themes was the importance of creating space and separation from one another. People sung the praises of separate checking accounts, separate credit cards, having different friends and hobbies, taking separate vacations from one another each year (this has been a big one in my own relationship). Some even went so far as to recommend separate bathrooms or even separate bedrooms. Some people are afraid to give their partner freedom and independence. This comes from a lack of trust and/or insecurity that if we give our partner too much space, they will discover they don’t want to be with us anymore. Generally, the more uncomfortable we are with our own worthiness in the relationship and to be loved, the more we will try to control the relationship and our partner’s behaviors. BUT, more importantly, this inability to let our partners be who they are , is a subtle form of disrespect. After all, if you can’t trust your husband to have a simple golfing trip with his buddies, or you’re afraid to let your wife go out for drinks after work, what does that say about your respect for their ability to handle themselves well? What does it say for your respect for yourself ? I mean, after all, if you believe a couple after-work drinks is enough to steer your girlfriend away from you, you clearly don’t think too highly of yourself. Going on seventeen years. If you love your partner enough you will let them be who they are, you don’t own them, who they hang with, what they do or how they feel. Drives me nuts when I see women not let their husbands go out with the guys or are jealous of other women. – Natalie 7. You and your partner will grow and change in unexpected ways; embrace it Over the course of 20 years we both have changed tremendously. We have changed faiths, political parties, numerous hair colors and styles, but we love each other and possibly even more. Our grown kids constantly tell their friends what hopeless romantics we are. And the biggest thing that keeps us strong is not giving a fuck about what anyone else says about our relationship. – Dotti One theme that came up repeatedly, especially with those married 20+ years, was how much each individual changes as the decades roll on, and how ready each of you have to be to embrace the other partner as these changes occur. One reader commented that at her wedding, an elderly family member told her, “One day many years from now, you will wake up and your spouse will be a different person, make sure you fall in love with that person too.” It logically follows that if there is a bedrock of respect for each individual’s interest and values underpinning the relationship, and each individual is encouraged to foster their own growth and development, that each person will, as time goes on, evolve in different and unexpected ways. It’s then up to the couple to communicate and make sure that they are consistently a) aware of the changes going on in their partner, and b) continually accepting and respecting those changes as they occur. Now, you’re probably reading this and thinking, “Sure, Bill likes sausage now, but in a few years he might prefer steak. I can get on board with that.” No, I’m talking some pretty serious life changes. Remember, if you’re going to spend decades together, some really heavy shit will hit (and break) the fan. Among major life changes people told me their marriages went through (and survived): changing religions, moving countries, death of family members (including children), supporting elderly family members, changing political beliefs, even changing sexual orientation, and in a couple cases, gender identification. Amazingly, these couples survived because their respect for each other allowed them to adapt and allow each person to continue to flourish and grow. When you commit to someone, you don’t actually know who you’re committing to. You know who they are today, but you have no idea who this person is going to be in five years, ten years, and so on. You have to be prepared for the unexpected, and truly ask yourself if you admire this person regardless of the superficial (or not-so-superficial) details, because I promise almost all of them at some point are going to either change or go away. – Michael But this isn’t easy, of course. In fact, at times, it will be downright soul-destroying. Which is why you need to make sure you and your partner know how to fight. 8. Get good at fighting The relationship is a living, breathing thing. Much like the body and muscles, it cannot get stronger without stress and challenge. You have to fight. You have to hash things out. Obstacles make the marriage. – Ryan Saplan John Gottman is a hot-shit psychologist and researcher who has spent over 30 years analyzing married couples and looking for keys to why they stick together and why they break up. Chances are, if you’ve read any relationship advice article before, you’ve either directly or indirectly been exposed to his work. When it comes to, “ Why do people stick together? ” he dominates the field. What Gottman does is he gets married couples in a room, puts some cameras on them, and then he asks them to have a fight. Notice: he doesn’t ask them to talk about how great the other person is. He doesn’t ask them what they like best about their relationship. He asks them to fight. Pick something they’re having problems with and talk about it for the camera. And from simply analyzing the film for the couple’s discussion (or shouting match, whatever), he’s able to predict with startling accuracy whether a couple will divorce or not. But what’s most interesting about Gottman’s research is that the things that lead to divorce are not necessarily what you think. Successful couples, like unsuccessful couples, he found, fight consistently. And some of them fight furiously. He has been able to narrow down four characteristics of a couple that tend to lead to divorces (or breakups). He has gone on and called these “the four horsemen” of the relationship apocalypse in his books. They are: Criticizing your partner’s character (“You’re so stupid” vs “That thing you did was stupid”) Defensiveness (or basically, blame shifting, “I wouldn’t have done that if you weren’t late all the time”) Contempt (putting down your partner and making them feel inferior) Stonewalling (withdrawing from an argument and ignoring your partner) The reader emails back this up as well. Out of the 1,500-some-odd emails, almost every single one referenced the importance of dealing with conflicts well . Advice given by readers included: Never insult or name-call your partner. Put another way: hate the sin, love the sinner. Gottman’s research found that “contempt”—belittling and demeaning your partner—is the number one predictor of divorce. Do not bring previous fights/arguments into current ones. This solves nothing and just makes the fight twice as bad as it was before. Yeah, you forgot to pick up groceries on the way home, but what does him being rude to your mother last Thanksgiving have to do with anything? If things get too heated, take a breather. Remove yourself from the situation and come back once emotions have cooled off a bit. This is a big one for me personally—sometimes when things get intense with my wife, I get overwhelmed and just leave for a while. I usually walk around the block two or three times and let myself seethe for about 15 minutes. Then I come back and we’re both a bit calmer and we can resume the discussion with a much more conciliatory tone. Remember that being “right” is not as important as both people feeling respected and heard. You may be right, but if you are right in such a way that makes your partner feel unloved, then there’s no real winner. But all of this takes for granted another important point: be willing to fight in the first place. I think when people talk about the necessity for “good communication” all of the time (a vague piece of advice that everyone says but few people seem to actually clarify what it means), this is what they mean: be willing to have the uncomfortable talks. Be willing to have the fights. Say the ugly things and get it all out in the open. This was a constant theme from the divorced readers. Dozens (hundreds?) of them had more or less the same sad story to tell: But there’s no way on God’s Green Earth this is her fault alone. There were times when I saw huge red flags. Instead of trying to figure out what in the world was wrong, I just plowed ahead. I’d buy more flowers, or candy, or do more chores around the house. I was a “good” husband in every sense of the word. But what I wasn’t doing was paying attention to the right things. She wasn’t telling me there wasn’t a problem but there was. And instead of saying something, I ignored all of the signals. – Jim 9. Get good at forgiving When you end up being right about something—shut up. You can be right and be quiet at the same time. Your partner will already know you’re right and will feel loved knowing that you didn’t wield it like a bastard sword. – Brian In marriage, there’s no such thing as winning an argument. – Bill To me, perhaps the most interesting nugget from Gottman’s research is the fact that most successful couples don’t actually resolve all of their problems. In fact, his findings were completely backwards from what most people actually expect: people in lasting and happy relationships have problems that never completely go away, while couples that feel as though they need to agree and compromise on everything end up feeling miserable and falling apart. To me, like everything else, this comes back to the respect thing. If you have two different individuals sharing a life together, it’s inevitable that they will have different values and perspectives on some things and clash over it. The key here is not changing the other person—as the desire to change your partner is inherently disrespectful (to both them and yourself)—but rather it’s to simply abide by the difference, love them despite it, and when things get a little rough around the edges, to forgive them for it. Everyone says that compromise is key, but that’s not how my husband and I see it. It’s more about seeking understanding. Compromise is bullshit, because it leaves both sides unsatisfied, losing little pieces of themselves in an effort to get along. On the other hand, refusing to compromise is just as much of a disaster, because you turn your partner into a competitor (“I win, you lose”). These are the wrong goals, because they’re outcome-based rather than process-based. When your goal is to find out where your partner is coming from—to truly understand on a deep level—you can’t help but be altered by the process. Conflict becomes much easier to navigate because you see more of the context. – Michelle I’ve written for years that the key to happiness is not achieving your lofty dreams , or experiencing some dizzying high, but rather finding the struggles and challenges that you enjoy enduring. A similar concept seems to be true in relationships: your perfect partner is not someone who creates no problems in the relationship, rather your perfect partner is someone who creates problems in the relationship that you feel good about dealing with. But how do you get good at forgiving? What does that actually mean? Again, some advice from the readers: When an argument is over, it’s over. Some couples went as far as to make this the golden rule in their relationship. When you’re done fighting, it doesn’t matter who was right and who was wrong, it doesn’t matter if someone was mean and someone was nice. It’s over. It’s in the past. And you both agree to leave it there, not bring it up every month for the next three years. There’s no scoreboard. No one is trying to “win” here. There’s no, “You owe me this because you screwed up the laundry last week.” There’s no, “I’m always right about financial stuff, so you should listen to me.” There’s no, “I bought her three gifts and she only did me one favor.” Everything in the relationship is given and done unconditionally—that is: without expectation or manipulation. When your partner screws up, you separate the intentions from the behavior. You recognize the things you love and admire in your partner and understand that he/she was simply doing the best that they could, yet messed up out of ignorance. Not because they’re a bad person. Not because they secretly hate you and want to divorce you. Not because there’s somebody else in the background pulling them away from you. They are a good person. That’s why you are with them. If you ever lose your faith in that, then you will begin to erode your faith in yourself. And finally, pick your battles wisely. You and your partner only have so many fucks to give , make sure you both are saving them for the real things that matter. Been happily married 40+ years. One piece of advice that comes to mind: choose your battles. Some things matter, worth getting upset about. Most do not. Argue over the little things and you’ll find yourself arguing endlessly; little things pop up all day long, it takes a toll over time. Like Chinese water torture: minor in the short term, corrosive over time. Consider: is this a little thing or a big thing? Is it worth the cost of arguing? – Fred 10. The little things add up to big things If you don’t take the time to meet for lunch, go for a walk or go out to dinner and a movie with some regularity then you basically end up with a roommate. Staying connected through life’s ups and downs is critical. Eventually your kids grow up, your obnoxious brother-in-law will join a monastery and your parents will die. When that happens, guess who’s left? You got it… Mr./Mrs. Right! You don’t want to wake up 20 years later and be staring at a stranger because life broke the bonds you formed before the shitstorm started. You and your partner need to be the eye of the hurricane. – Brian Of the 1,500 responses I got, I’d say about half of them mentioned at some point or another one simple but effective piece of advice: Don’t ever stop doing the little things. They add up. Things as simple as saying, “I love you,” before going to bed, holding hands during a movie, doing small favors here and there, helping with some household chores. Even cleaning up when you accidentally pee on the toilet seat (seriously, someone said that)—these things all matter and add up over the long run. The same way Fred, married for 40+ years, stated above that arguing over small things consistently wears you both down, “like Chinese water torture,” so do the little favors and displays of affection add up. Don’t lose them. This seems to become particularly important once kids enter the picture. The big message I heard hundreds of times about kids: put the marriage first. Children are worshipped in our culture these days. Parents are expected to sacrifice everything for them. But the best way to raise healthy and happy kids is to maintain a healthy and happy marriage. Good kids don’t make a good marriage. A good marriage makes good kids. So keep your marriage the top priority. – Susan Readers implored to maintain regular “date nights,” to plan weekend getaways and to make time for sex, even when you’re tired, even when you’re stressed and exhausted and the baby is crying, even when Junior has soccer practice at 5:30am the next day. Make time for it. It’s worth it. Oh, and speaking of sex… 11. Sex matters… a LOT And you know how you know if you or her are slipping? Sex starts to slide. Period. No other test required. – Anonymous I still remember back in college, it was one of my first relationships with a cute little redhead. We were young and naive and crazy about each other. And, because we happened to live in the same dorm, we were banging like rabbits. It was everything a 19-year-old male could ask for. Then after a month or two, we hit our first “rough patch” in the relationship. We fought more often, found ourselves getting annoyed with each other, and suddenly our multiple-times-per-day habit magically dried up. And it wasn’t just with her, but with me. To my surprised adolescent male mind, it was actually possible to have sex available to you yet not want it. It was almost as if sex was connected to emotions! For a dumb 19-year-old, this was a complete shocker. That was the first time I discovered a truth about relationships: sex is the State of the Union. If the relationship is good, the sex will be good. You both will be wanting it and enjoying it. When the relationship is bad—when there are unresolved problems and unaddressed negative emotions—then the sex will often be the first thing to go out the window. This was reiterated to me hundreds of times in the emails. The nature of the sex itself varied quite a bit among couples—some couples take sexual experimentation seriously, others are staunch believers in frequency, others get way into fantasies—but the underlying principle was the same everywhere: both partners should be sexually satisfied as often as possible. But sex not only keeps the relationship healthy, many readers suggested that they use it to heal their relationships. That when things are a bit frigid between them or that they have some problems going on, a lot of stress, or other issues (i.e., kids), they even go so far as to schedule sexy time for themselves. They say it’s important. And it’s worth it. A few people even said that when things start to feel stale in the relationship, they agree to have sex every day for a week. Then, as if by magic, by the next week, they feel great again. Cue the Marvin Gaye tunes: 12. Be practical, and create relationship rules There is no 50/50 in housecleaning, child rearing, vacation planning, dishwasher emptying, gift buying, dinner making, money making, etc. The sooner everyone accepts that, the happier everyone is. We all have things we like to do and hate to do; we all have things we are good at and not so good at. TALK to your partner about those things when it comes to dividing and conquering all the crap that has to get done in life. – Liz Everyone has an image in their mind of how a relationship should work. Both people share responsibilities. Both people manage to finely balance their time together with the time for themselves. Both pursue engaging and invigorating interests on their own and then share the benefits together. Both take turns cleaning the toilet and blowing each other and cooking gourmet lasagna for the extended family at Thanksgiving (although not all at the same time). Then there’s how relationships actually work. Messy. Stressful. Miscommunication flying everywhere so that both of you feel as though you’re in a perpetual state of talking to a wall. The fact is relationships are imperfect, messy affairs. And it’s for the simple reason that they’re comprised of imperfect, messy people—people who want different things at different times in different ways and oh, they forgot to tell you? Well, maybe if you had been listening, asshole. The common theme of the advice here was “Be pragmatic.” If the wife is a lawyer and spends 50 hours at the office every week, and the husband is an artist and can work from home most days, it makes more sense for him to handle most of the day-to-day parenting duties. If the wife’s standard of cleanliness looks like a Home & Garden catalog, and the husband has gone six months without even noticing the light fixture hanging from the ceiling, then it makes sense that the wife handles more of the home cleaning duties. It’s economics 101: division of labor makes everyone better off. Figure out what you are each good at, what you each love/hate doing, and then arrange accordingly. My wife loves cleaning (no, seriously), but she hates smelly stuff. So guess who gets dishes and garbage duty? Me. Because I don’t give a fuck . I’ll eat off the same plate seven times in a row. I couldn’t smell a dead rat even if it was sleeping under my pillow. I’ll toss garbage around all day. Here honey, let me get that for you. On top of that, many couples suggested laying out rules for the relationship. This sounds cheesy, but ultimately, it’s practical. To what degree will you share finances? How much debt will be taken on or paid off? How much can each person spend without consulting the other? What purchases should be done together or do you trust each other to do separately? How do you decide which vacations to go on? Have meetings about this stuff. Sure, it’s not sexy or cool, but it needs to get done. You’re sharing a life together and so you need to plan and account for each person’s needs and resources. One person even said that she and her husband have “annual reviews” every year. She immediately told me not to laugh, but that she was serious. They have annual reviews where they discuss everything that’s going on in the household that they like and don’t like and what they can do in the coming year to change it. This sort of stuff sounds lame but it’s what keeps couples in touch with what’s going on with each other. And because they always have their fingers on the pulse of each other’s needs, they’re more likely to grow together rather than grow apart. 13. Learn to ride the waves I have been married for 44 years (4 children, 6 grandchildren). I think the most important thing that I have learned in those years is that the love you feel for each other is constantly changing. Sometimes you feel a deep love and satisfaction, other times you want nothing to do with your spouse; sometimes you laugh together, sometimes you’re screaming at each other. It’s like a roller-coaster ride, ups and downs all the time, but as you stay together long enough the downs become less severe and the ups are more loving and contented. So even if you feel like you could never love your partner any more, that can change, if you give it a chance. I think people give up too soon. You need to be the kind of person that you want your spouse to be. When you do that it makes a world of difference. – Chris Out of the hundreds of analogies I saw these past few weeks, one stuck with me. A nurse emailed saying that she used to work with a lot of geriatric patients. And one day she was talking to a man in his late-80s about marriage and why his had lasted so long. The man said something like, “relationships exist as waves, people need to learn how to ride them.” Upon asking him to explain, he said that, like the ocean, there are constant waves of emotion going on within a relationship, ups and downs—some waves last for hours, some last for months or even years. The key is understanding that few of those waves have anything to do with the quality of the relationship—people lose jobs, family members die, couples relocate, switch careers, make a lot of money, lose a lot of money. Your job as a committed partner is to simply ride the waves with the person you love, regardless of where they go. Because ultimately, none of these waves last. And you simply end up with each other. Two years ago, I suddenly began resenting my wife for any number of reasons. I felt as if we were floating along, doing a great job of co-existing and co-parenting, but not sustaining a real connection. It deteriorated to the point that I considered separating from her; however, whenever I gave the matter intense thought, I could not pinpoint a single issue that was a deal breaker. I knew her to be an amazing person, mother, and friend. I bit my tongue a lot and held out hope that the malaise would pass as suddenly as it had arrived. Fortunately, it did and I love her more than ever. So the final bit of wisdom is to afford your spouse the benefit of the doubt. If you have been happy for such a long period, that is the case for good reason. Be patient and focus on the many aspects of her that still exist that caused you to fall in love in the first place. – Kevin I’d like to take a moment to thank all of the readers who took the time to write something and send it to me. As always, it was humbling to see all of the wisdom and life experience out there. There were many, many, many excellent responses, with kind, heartfelt advice. It was hard to choose the ones that ended up here, and in many cases, I could have put a dozen different quotes that said almost the exact same thing. Exercises like this always amaze me because when you ask thousands of people for advice on something, you expect to receive thousands of different answers. But in both cases now, the vast majority of the advice has largely been the same. It shows you how similar we really are. And how no matter how bad things may get, we are never as alone as we think. I would end this by summarizing the advice in one tidy section. But once again, a reader named Margo did it far better than I ever could. So we’ll end with Margo: You can work through anything as long as you are not destroying yourself or each other. That means emotionally, physically, financially, or spiritually. Make nothing off limits to discuss. Never shame or mock each other for the things you do that make you happy. Write down why you fell in love and read it every year on your anniversary (or more often). Write love letters to each other often. Make each other first. When kids arrive, it will be easy to fall into a frenzy of making them the only focus of your life…do not forget the love that produced them. You must keep that love alive and strong to feed them love. Spouse comes first. Each of you will continue to grow. Bring the other one with you. Be the one that welcomes that growth. Don’t think that the other one will hold the relationship together. Both of you should assume it’s up to you so that you are both working on it. Be passionate about cleaning house, preparing meals, and taking care of your home. This is required of everyone daily, make it fun and happy and do it together. Do not complain about your partner to anyone. Love them for who they are. Make love even when you are not in the mood. Trust each other. Give each other the benefit of the doubt always. Be transparent. Have nothing to hide. Be proud of each other. Have a life outside of each other, but share it through conversation. Pamper and adore each other. Go to counseling now before you need it so that you are both open to working on the relationship together. Disagree with respect to each other’s feelings. Be open to change and accepting of differences. Print this and refer to it daily. This post originally appeared at MarkManson.net . Follow @iammarkmanson on Twitter.

ONS stats: underemployment is double the 'official' unemployment rate

Sunday, December 10 2017

ONS stats: underemployment is double the 'official' unemployment rate

Chronic "underemployment" is slowly replacing the role outright joblessness used to play in the labour market, new stats from the ONS suggest. There has been a 400% increase in the number of people on zero-hours contracts since 2002. One million people in part-time work can't find full-time jobs. There are now twice as many "underemployed" workers as unemployed workers. Underemployment has increased since 2002, while unemployment has declined. BI Graphics LONDON — The Office for National Statistics has released a new breakdown of unemployment in the UK , alongside numbers for workers on zero-hours contracts . The official rate of unemployment is 4.3% of all workers, or 1.46 million people. That is a historic low not seen since 1975, according to the ONS. Normally it would be cause for celebration. But the percentage of workers who want more hours, or part-time workers who want better jobs, is nearly double the unemployment rate, at about 9.7%, or 3.3 million people, according to the ONS . Since 2002, the number of insecure, part-time, and under-paid jobs has increased, according to the ONS, while official unemployment has declined to almost negligible levels — technically now below the level of full employment . The stats thus suggest that chronic "underemployment" is slowly replacing the role outright joblessness used to play in the labour market, and that a major source of inequality in Britain today is not the traditional plight of those on the dole, but the divide between those in full-time jobs and workers stuck in poorly paid, part-time gigs. The official unemployment rate is at a record low of 4.3%. But this excludes workers who don't have enough work. ONS The ONS said that the nature of work in Britain has changed. The stereotype of a 40-hour-a-week, full-time job is increasingly a fiction when viewed from the perspective of the 8.5 million people that the ONS says are in part-time work. Work is now increasingly skewed toward part-time, gig economy, or "zero-hours contract" jobs. Those types of jobs are in some cases replacing official "unemployment." The new data supports the argument that official "unemployment" stats in the UK essentially disguise what real-life unemployment actually looks like in Britain today. In reality, the percentage of workers who are either unemployed or underemployed is at least double, and on some measures three times as great, as the "official" rate . The slippage between the numbers comes from the varying ways in which the ONS defines the "unemployed," and distinguishes them from "underemployed" workers. Broadly, "employed" people are those in traditional full-time work. "Unemployed" people are those without any job whatsoever, but who want work. Those two definitions do not include the large group of people between them: The "underemployed," those who have part-time jobs, or jobs that are so poorly paid they would like to work extra hours even if they are already working full-time , according to the ONS's definitions . REUTERS/Charles Platiau Here are the new numbers, broken down by the different ONS definitions: "Unemployed": 1.46 million, or 4.3%. (This is the official rate, used most in the media.) "Underemployed" workers who "want more hours": 3.3 million, or 9.7% "Underemployed" workers, official definition: 2.5 million, 7.7%. "Underemployed" workers who "wanted more hours in their current job": 1.9 million. "Involuntary unemployed part-time workers": one million. People on "zero-hours contracts": 883,000. The ONS does not make it clear which categories overlap and which exclude each other. But this chart shows them side by side. Crucially, it shows that while "unemployment" (the solid yellow line) has gone down since 2002, "underemployment" is now higher, especially in the "wants more hours" categories: ONS And the number of people who want to work more hours in their current job is now greater than total official unemployment. Historically, unemployment and underemployment moved in parallel. Most jobs were traditional full-time occupations in which people worked 40 hours a week. But that world has been replaced by companies like Sports Direct, Deliveroo, and Uber, which use armies of part-timers, zero-hours contract workers, or freelancers, who are not guaranteed work on a day-to-day basis. The ONS says that job growth in full-time employment is now outstripped by job growth in unpredictable, temporary, part-time, zero-hours, gig economy type jobs: UK job growth from June/July 2000 to June/July 2017, by type: Full-time employment: 12.3%

RA: The art of disruption: How CDJs are changing DJing

Sunday, December 10 2017

RA: The art of disruption: How CDJs are changing DJing

Features The art of disruption: How CDJs are changing DJing CDJs may have made mixing easier, but they've also ushered in an exciting new era of DJing. Michelle Lhooq reflects on the possibilities they've unlocked. What exactly a DJ does behind the decks is a persistent subject of scrutiny and debate, both in the media and the smoky confines of nightclubs. Recently, it's become hard to escape the notion that digital music players like laptops and CDJs are behind a new generation of lazy DJs who "just press play." Haters cite the notorious sync button, which instantly beat-matches two tracks together, as a prime example of how technology has automated skills that DJs once spent years refining. The stigma endures among seasoned heads, who mutter "real DJs play vinyl" while dusting off their record collections. The widespread idea that digital culture is watering down the art of DJing is a damaging, regressive misconception. Of course, certain technical aspects have gotten easier, but that's not the point. Rather than using new technologies like beat-matching to cut corners, today's forward-thinking DJs, often working outside the strict 4/4 confines of house and techno, are treating CDJs as musical instruments, exploring their artistic possibilities in exciting, uncharted ways. Here, we take a closer look at this latest evolution in DJ culture, how it is a response to the old turntable canon, and the crucial socio-political conditions that it sprang from. The first CDJs, Pioneer's CDJ-500, went on the market in October 1994. (As Jordan Rothlein noted in a history of the deck , some say the CDJ-300 came first in 1992, but Pioneer considers the 500 to be the official debut.) From the start, CDJs were distinguished by their marriage of the physical and digital, combining the tactile qualities of a turntable via a circular jog dial with a slew of digital tools, such as a "master tempo" button for changing a song's speed without altering its key. Subsequent models of CDJs added new digital tricks like hot cues, updated its jog dial into a touch-sensitive wheel, and shrunk in size to become more portable and stable, with the arrival of CDJ-1000 in 2001 marking its current form. Improved functionality—along with the rise of mp3 culture, which freed DJs from the physical and financial constraints of records—helped fuel the growing popularity of CDJs over the next two decades. "'I can take a snippet of some news or a popular record and throw it in the mix in a completely different way," Richie Hawtin told The New York Times in a 2001 piece celebrating the freedom and spontaneity of the digital DJ realm. "It opens these floodgates to a whole new potential.'' By the early 2000s, CDJs were fast becoming the standard set-ups at clubs and festivals. But their ubiquity coincided with the growing public perception that, well, DJs don't really do much. The golden age of EDM in the early 2010s only furthered this damaging stereotype. In a 2013 interview with GQ , Avicii admitted his sets were entirely pre-planned. Thanks to computers, he said, reading a crowd's responses to determine what songs to play—a skill DJs historically took pride in cultivating—"feels like something a lot of older DJs are saying to kind of desperately cling on staying relevant." In 2014, dance music's reputation in the American mainstream was served a death blow via an SNL skit called " When Will the Bass Drop? ," in which a DJ named "Davvinci," played by Andy Samberg, clowns around in a DJ booth next to a giant red button labeled "BASS." A deluge of headlines praising the viral video for "nailing" EDM culture followed, with a Gizmodo reporter sniffing , "It's a hilarious parody, but it also tells the stark truth about DJs: Once they've put in the hard work of producing a track in the studio, their live shows aren't really a performance so much as a glorified exercise in pressing play." There's no doubt that CDJs have lowered the barrier to entry for many aspiring DJs by allowing them to hop on the decks with little more than a USB stick and a rudimentary knowledge of how to mix tracks. It's also fair to argue that they've resulted in a formulaic DJing style, as RA's Ryan Keeling pointed out in a 2016 op-ed called " DJing Shouldn't Be Easy :" DJ selects track, hits the auto-sync, and brings the volume up, adjusting EQs to taste and using the loop function to buy more time in the mix. Still, there are exceptions to this glut of mediocrity—DJs who are using CDJs to push their sets in novel and experimental ways—and they're the ones that count. One of the most unforgettable DJ sets I caught this year was a late-night back-to-back between Joey LaBeija and Rabit in a half-empty bar in Brooklyn, and hinged upon the unique capabilities of CDJs. Chuckling to each other as if it were a demented game, the two friends deployed some of the craziest techniques I've ever seen, effectively treating the CDJs like a DIY sampler and drumkit, and pushing functions like the pitch slider to their extremes. They'd slam the cue button to play a few seconds of a song over and over again, or flick the pitch slider so the tempo careened from 80 to 400 BPM within seconds, while using the loop button to stack layers of sounds over each other. The result was an adrenaline-soaked ride across a myriad of deconstructed club sounds—challenging, yet immensely enjoyable. Sets like these are tough to imagine with a different setup. "What we do is specifically tied to this set of technology... You can only do what I do on CDJs," Lotic told 032c in 2014. "There's only so much you can do with a turntable," agreed Janus founder Dan Denorch in the same interview. "The whole point of [DJing with turntables] used to be to not make the music stop," he said. "Now the range is much larger." Noting that digital technology has afforded a range of possibilities to manipulate music that were "unfathomable" ten years ago, DeNorch said CDJs have engendered "a different form of DJing—it's a completely new art form." One of the most distinctive characteristics of this style is its discontinuity. Tracks of wildly different genres and tempos are stitched together with abrupt stops and starts or cacophonous sound effects. With a more fragmented approach to space and time, it's not a coincidence that many of the DJs playing this way are operating outside the strict confines of 4/4 house and techno. In the same interview, Lotic called his "rude and disruptive" DJ style "a complete rejection of smoothness." M.E.S.H, another Janus affiliate, put it this way: "They're often looking for smoothness in other scenes, which we don't really pay that much attention to." M.E.S.H. said over email that CDJs act like "a little window into the studio" by allowing you to access a large archive of sounds he's made. In the past, he explained, he's experimented with time signatures by mixing different loop lengths and approximated a granular synth pad by exploiting the pitch algorithm. Lately, he's been feeding audio from CDJs back into a software mixing setup he designed himself. At the same time, M.E.S.H. argued that CDJs allow for more flexibility and spontaneity because you can keep sounds in sync imperfectly through touch, rather than being stuck to a master MIDI clock as you would with a laptop or sequencer setup. "When you can be instinctive and have a tactile feeling of the sound, you can really open up," he said. "It feels like an instrument." Venus X, another forerunner of this style, said that CDJs give her a greater sense of immediacy. "CDJs force you to be present at every moment of your set," she said over email, citing the ability to sample moments from any track via hot cues, play with speed and loops in a tactile way, and mix in an aggressive manner that lets the audience hear everything you're doing. "Other DJ programs lack that sense of immediacy and feel rehearsed." You could argue that these techniques are not a departure from vinyl DJing so much as an evolution of it. Using turntables, pioneers like Frankie Knuckles and Larry Levan would play two of the same records at the same time to edit out or extend certain sections, or use drum machines to beef up the beat. M.E.S.H also pointed out that Copenhagen-based DJ HVAD uses turntables to play in the abrasive style associated with CDJs, "skipping the needle around on a vinyl as if he had the whole thing hot-cued in his memory." Still, commonly used metaphors like "journey" and "storytelling" speak to how continuity is an inherent value in the traditional mode of DJing, where DJs were judged by their ability to weave tracks together into a coherent, overarching narrative. By pushing the paradigm from smoothness to rupture, the shift from analog to digital DJing mirrors the transition from modernism to postmodernism—a wave of critical thinking that developed in the mid to late-20th century and was described by Marxist literary theorist Fredric Jameson as the "cultural logic of late capitalism." Whether in fields of art, music, or writing, postmodernists were concerned with themes of rupture, rebellion and the anxiety-ridden technological condition. The movement was also about amplifying historically excluded voices, with postmodern thinkers like Foucault examining the social systems that enable cultural hegemony, violence and exclusion from power. Postmodernism came out of post-WWII disillusionment, with the fall of Berlin Wall in 1989 marking the start of the "postmodern age." Social context is also key to understanding how the disjointed style of DJing under CDJs came to be. In her Art of DJing interview, Venus X noted that GHE20G0TH1K, a New York-based queer/POC party widely credited as an incubator for this style, came up between 2009 and 2012, when young people were struggling with the fallout from the 2008 financial crisis and rising student debt. "You couldn't actually visualize your future and what does that sound like?" she said. "Pure fucking chaos." In the same interview, Venus also connected the disruptive DJ style associated with GHE20G0TH1K with a rebellion against the status quo, saying, "continuity is white power. Continuity is patriarchy." Over email, she further explained this connection: "To my knowledge, most DJs qualify as good or bad depending on their ability to mix seamlessly and in ways that are non-confrontational. The philosophy of GHE20G0TH1K… is meant to disrupt those traditional male perspectives and conservative ideas of what nightlife and music are supposed to be." On a similar tip, the Indianapolis DJ Noncompliant pointed out to THUMP that by lowering social and financial barriers to entry, digital technology has allowed for new groups of women, queers, trans, non-Western and POC to join the fray. "Purists complain that 'anybody' can make music or DJ now, but that's entirely the point," she said. "'Anybody' means 'the people who could never access it before.'" Count me as one of those people who, because I lacked a record collection, never considered DJing until I was exposed to CDJs. When I first started learning how to play, a coworker who typically plays vinyl gave me a piece of advice I'll never forget: the key to mixing, he said, was to take the vibe from one song and move it into the next, like a ball being passed from one hand to another around a basketball court. The players can zig or zag, but the ball can never be dropped. This colorful analogy is better suited to the smooth DJing style associated with turntables, but it can be also be applied to CDJs. Except instead of passing one ball around, DJs have all kinds of balls in the air at the same time, or are breaking them apart entirely, throwing the shards into your face while flipping the bird with a grin. Words /

5 beauty tips to hide your hangover - hellomagazine.com

Thursday, December 7 2017

5 beauty tips to hide your hangover - hellomagazine.com

5 beauty tips to hide your hangover Here's how to fake it 'til you make it... December 07, 2017 - 16:42 GMT by Alex Light A jam-packed, fun festive calendar can mean a few not-so-great mornings-after... Hide your hangover with these top expert beauty tips. Leave a comment e've all been there – you had a ball at the Christmas party but it's now the morning after and you're staring at yourself in the mirror wondering how on earth to hide the hangover… Blotchy, dry skin and puffy eyes are tell-tale signs that you might have had a glass of champagne too many the night before – we spoke to skin experts to bring you five beauty tricks to make you look as fresh and radiant as possible, no matter how you're feeling! 1. Take all your make-up off The first rule? Don't go to bed with your make-up still on! Dr Justine Hextall, Consultant Dermatologist at The Harley Medical Group, says: "Staying up all night partying takes its toll on the skin. So before heading to bed, make sure to remove all make-up using a gentle cleanser that won't strip your skin barrier." 2. Apply an overnight mask Fake an eight-hour sleep with a really good overnight mask. This will help to boost hydration and elastin, leaving your skin feeling moisturised and soothed. 3. Exfoliate the morning after Corinne Morley, a Trilogy skin expert, champions exfoliation for healthy skin. "Exfoliation is really important, especially when you've been wearing a lot of make-up," she told us. "Polishing away old skin cells encourages cell turnover and reveals new skin underneath – it's essential for restoring a radiant glow." We love Trilogy's Gentle Exfoliant, £22.50 – it contains Jojoba microspheres to gently buff away surface impurities and dead skin cells. 4. Hydrate Alcohol has serious dehydrating properties, which can leave our skin looking dull and tired. Helen Bond, Nutritionist at The Harley Medical Group, says: "Make sure that you are getting enough fluid – both hot and cold drinks count. Don't forget that we get 20 per cent of our fluid from food, so eat at least five portions of water-rich fruit and vegetables during the day." 5. Get clever with your concealer Sometimes you just have to fake it 'til you make it… Which is where a really good concealer comes in. Francesca Neill, Celebrity Make-up Artist and COLLECTION Ambassador, recommends having a Collection Primed & Ready Concealer kit (£4.99) on hand to cover all sins: "Apply a highlighting concealers along your cheekbones, the corner of your eyes and finally down the centre of your nose. This tricks the eye and makes the skin look hydrated and glowing." More on:

A Letter to all Aspiring Writers by Leonora Meriel (Guest Post)

Sunday, December 10 2017

A Letter to all Aspiring Writers by Leonora Meriel (Guest Post)

Source: reshmakrishnan Greetings, aspiring writers! You are dreaming about the most wonderful job in the world. But also one of the hardest jobs in the world. First of all – the desire to write is a wonderful impulse. Our world is creative and your soul is responding to the most fundamental urge of the conscious being – to play with worlds, words, ideas, possibilities. To create. It is the most beautiful and natural thing, and it suggests that the inner child in you is very much alive. This is important, as you will need to let your inner child roam freely in order for your stories to be the most wild and imaginative they can be. Writing – and any form of creation, be it painting, dreaming up buildings, dancing, music – are the most natural and beautiful expressions of the best side of humanity. This is why they are so highly valued and loved and appreciated. It is a great and noble thing that you desire to be a writer, so now, here are some practical elements of the dream, and some up and down sides to the journey of fulfilling your dream. The most clear definition of a writer is: someone who writes. So, time to start scribbling, click-clacking or speaking into your voice recorder. Make it a habit. Make it sacred. Write every single day. Make it the most important thing you do in the day. The clearest sign of a serious writer is what they read. So, time to start reading strategically. Whatever genre you write in, read widely from the best authors and analyze what they do. And finally – learn to complete a piece of work. Start with a poem. Write it. Edit it. Finish it. Say – it’s the best I can do at this point in my writing life. And leave it. Then write a short story and do the same. Then a novella. And then – yes! You’re ready for a novel. Write the novel (6 months); edit the novel (6 months); if you think it is publishable then pay an editor to improve it (2 months); and pay a proof-reader to check it (2 weeks). At this point, you have a finished product which is the very best you can produce at this point in your writing life. And then next step? Do it again. Your next work will be better. And better. And better. And you will be a writer. There are so many ups and downs in the journey of a writer. It is a strange career where we put our work on public for the entire world to judge. We have to learn to accept the praise and the disgust for work that has come pouring from our soul. And yet, despite the ups and the downs, writing is still the most beautiful, noble and natural occupation for human beings. Creating, imagining and playing with worlds and words. Go – write! Create! Weave ideas and possibilities! Whether it is a hobby or your full-time career, every piece of creativity on the Earth makes it a more beautiful place. *-*-*-* About the Author: Leonora Meriel grew up in London and studied literature at the University of Edinburgh in Scotland and Queen’s University in Canada. She worked at the United Nations in New York, and then for a multinational law firm. In 2003 she moved from New York to Kyiv, where she founded and managed Ukraine’s largest Internet company. She studied at Kyiv Mohyla Business School and earned an MBA, which included a study trip around China and Taiwan, and climbing to the top of Hoverla, Ukraine’s highest peak and part of the Carpathian Mountains. She also served as President of the International Women’s Club of Kyiv, a major local charity. During her years in Ukraine, she learned to speak Ukrainian and Russian, witnessed two revolutions and got to know an extraordinary country at a key period of its development. In 2008, she decided to return to her dream of being a writer, and to dedicate her career to literature. In 2011, she completed The Woman Behind the Waterfall, set in a village in western Ukraine. While her first novel was with a London agent, Leonora completed her second novel The Unity Game, set in New York City and on a distant planet. Leonora currently lives in Barcelona and London and has two children. She is working on her third novel.

Dipannita Sharma: I truly detest the term model-turned-actress

Sunday, December 10 2017

Dipannita Sharma: I truly detest the term model-turned-actress

Model-actress Dipannita Sharma, who debuted this year in regional films with the Assamese movie, 'Xhoixobote Dhemalite' ('Rainbow Fields'), is thrilled over the response it has garnered globally. | TNN | Dec 10, 2017, 01:00 IST Model-actress Dipannita Sharma , who debuted this year in regional films with the Assamese movie, 'Xhoixobote Dhemalite' ('Rainbow Fields'), is thrilled over the response it has garnered globally. It bagged the Best Foreign Feature Film in Los Angeles, got her the Best Actress Award in New Age Cinema, is the official selection for the Catoosa County Film Festival in Georgia and was the official selection in the Indian Panorama section at IFFI 2017. Though her film career is looking up, Dipannita says that she did not have an easy beginning. In an interview with Bombay Times, she talks about her latest movie, her struggles and how marriage has made her more evolved. Excerpts... You began modelling while you were in college. How has the journey been, from modelling to acting? It has been wonderful because I didn't realise the transition at all (smiles) — I just smoothly drifted from one to the other. About a year after I shifted to Mumbai from Delhi (where she completed her graduation), I started getting calls to audition for films. I wasn't very keen in the beginning, because I wanted to establish myself as a model first. However, eventually, my friends and family convinced me to audition for '16 December' (2002). They were holding auditions in all the Metros, and there were two-three rounds to clear. I found it so gruelling that I said to myself, 'I'm doing okay in modelling, do I really need to do this?' (laughs) Finally, my acting gene (her mother was actively involved in theatre and cultural arenas back home in Assam ) triumphed and I decided to give it a shot. To cut a long story short, '16 December' marked my debut in movies. . You have been a supermodel and now, you are an award-winning actress. So, which profession are you closer to and why? I was juggling both for the longest time, so I never felt like I am someone who turned into something else. I detest the term 'model-turned-actress'. I love both my professions and am very proud of my association with both. Yes , I am acting more now, because it's a natural progression for me. I don't feel that I fit into the hectic fashion weeks etc. anymore and in any case, there are beautiful new models who are doing a great job. But, I still walk the ramp for friends from the industry and new designers who I want to encourage. You did an Assamese film recently. How did it feel to do a movie in your mother tongue? Xhoixobote Dhemalite / Rainbow Fields has a heart-warming and beautiful subject. I had always hoped that whenever I made my Assamese film debut, it should be with a subject like this. My biggest compliment was when someone on the set said that a friend of her's had come to see me on the location and left because she couldn't recognise me (chuckles)! It is a fact that when a model turns actress, she is not taken seriously. In such a scenario, what does winning the Best Actress Award in New Age Cinema mean to you? Do you feel vindicated? After winning that award, I felt like I was finally being seen and heard for the right reasons. I have struggled to be taken seriously as an actor, despite being appreciated for my performances. People always see my glamorous side first — recently, a director recommend me to a producer and his first answer was, 'I think she's too glamorous'. Firstly, let me clarify — there is nothing wrong with glamour. Secondly, if you want me to be non-glamorous, I can be that as well. Don't judge me on the basis of my photographs from fashion events! Your film 'Xhoixobote Dhemalite' has won recognition both nationally and internationally. Tell us a bit about it... 'Xhoixobote Dhemalite' is about children growing up amidst the insurgency in the 80s' Assam and how a family must still go about their daily life in a seemingly normal manner. It's a tricky subject, but it has been handled sensitively by National Award-winning director, Bidyut Kotoky. You got married at the peak of your career, and have always given a lot of credit to your husband (businessman Dilsher Singh Atwal ) for your success... My marriage has made me a more evolved person. It has helped me see things for what they are rather than for what they should be. I see relationships differently now. It's amazing to have a person with whom you can share anything without the fear of being judged. It has set me free, made me more non-judgemental and insightful. Maybe, my transformation has impacted my career in a positive way as well. Tell us about your upcoming projects... I am currently prepping for a new web series, after completing work on two other. I have also finished shooting for a Hindi thriller, apart from reading a lot of scripts. That apart, my business partners and I are looking forward to officially launching our production company, which will concentrate on opening up the North East for shooting mainstream cinema and other media content. Get latest news & live updates on the go on your pc with News App . Download The Times of India news app for your device. RELATED

‘Only I was accused of doing regressive roles, not the writer or the director’

Sunday, December 10 2017

‘Only I was accused of doing regressive roles, not the writer or the director’

‘Only I was accused of doing regressive roles, not the writer or the director’ Pallabi Dey Purkayastha Sonakshi Sinha started made her Bollywood debut opposite superstar Salman Khan in ‘Dabangg’ (2010). | TNN | Dec 10, 2017, 01:00 IST After years of maintaining stoic silence on the accusations of portraying regressive characters in her movies, Sonakshi Sinha has finally opened up on the long overdue issue. At an event on women's empowerment and safety, hosted by the US Consulate in Mumbai recently, the actress stated, "Only I was accused of doing 'regressive' roles, not the writer who wrote the script or the director who made the film. I went on the defensive and thought to myself, 'Maybe, I should start doing different roles'. So, I did Akira, Force 2 and then Noor; for Akira, I even learnt Karate, which empowered me." The event, an initiative to promote activism against gender-based violence, also showcased eight short films that were judged by a jury comprising model-turned-actress Sarah Jane Dias , actress Seema Biswas and director Alankrita Shrivastava, among others. Talking about the importance of women empowerment, US Counsel General Edgard Kagan said, "Equality and empowerment of women are not favours to them — that is the right thing to do. It is a cause that both Americans and Indians are passionate about and is one of our crucial interests." Sonakshi, Aaiti, Raveena and Karan Johar Attends Manish Malhotra’s birthday bash 00:46 Get latest news & live updates on the go on your pc with News App . Download The Times of India news app for your device. RELATED

AgileByExample 2017: prof. Dave Snowden - Cynefin in practice - YouTube

Thursday, December 7 2017

AgileByExample 2017: prof. Dave Snowden - Cynefin in practice - YouTube

The interactive transcript could not be loaded. Loading... Rating is available when the video has been rented. This feature is not available right now. Please try again later. Published on Dec 5, 2017 Using Cynefin for operational management and strategic alignment Category