My Best Friend Has Started Molesting Me in My Sleep

Saturday, June 30 2018

My Best Friend Has Started Molesting Me in My Sleep

Home » Disorders » Sleep » My Best Friend Has Started Molesting Me in My Sleep My Best Friend Has Started Molesting Me in My Sleep By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP
A few weeks my best friend (24 m) came over to visit for the weekend. My family look at this boy like another son, they love him and he even has keys to my mother’s house. (I live with my Dad ) The first night -Saturday- nothing happened. But Sunday I woke up orgasaming and his hand was in my pants. I did not know what to do so I just moved his hand and kept a pillow between us for the rest of the night. The next weekend he came over again, but just for Saturday. This time I woke up and both my pants and his pants were missing. Not only that, but my panties had been removed as well (which I do not do no matter how hot I get under the covers..
He is due to come over again in a few weeks…
What can I possibly do? I cannot tell my family, They trust this boy so much that I was not allowed to go out drinking if he was not with me. He was like my big brother…
I don’t know what to do, who to turn to or even how I could possibly get out of this situation…
How do I tell my parents about this? How do I get them to believe me over him?
If there is no hope with going to my family, what can I do to get him to stop and get him out of my life? (From South Africa)
A: I admire the courage it takes to talk about this and am glad you are taking action about what to do to prevent this from happening in the future. I can only comment on the psychological components of this as it sounds like there may be a legal consequences as well. Most importantly — you need to do and say something. Not speaking up about this, and not to stopping what you do not want to have happen sends the wrong message to everyone and is unhealthy for you. Keeping a secret like this can have devastating effects for your well-being down the road.
Begin with your father. Tell him that you do not want to have this man come to the house. Explain that he has done something to hurt you and you no longer feel safe around him. Explain that if he comes you will not stay in the same house with him (and then make plans to stay with a friend if he does so this will not be an idle threat.) It is your decision about how much you tell your father—because only you know how this will be received. However, at 23 you have a right to feel safe in your own home and telling your father this man’s presence makes you feel unsafe is a truth your father will have to accept — or you will go stay with a friend.
What is needed next is a very clear communication to this man that what happened was unwanted and is now cause for ending the friendship. This isn’t a conversation or dialogue. This is a communication to make sure he understands that what happened wasn’t okay and you will not be seeing him anymore.
Finally, let your mom know and explain that you have severed ties with him and are no longer willing to see him. You mother will have to decide what to do, but make it clear you won’t be visiting her if he is around.
These are difficult conversations — but they are necessary for you to continue taking care of yourself. After dealing with this you may want to have some individual therapy to talk about the betrayal by this man.
Wishing you patience and peace, Dr. Dan My Best Friend Has Started Molesting Me in My Sleep Related Articles Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/ . He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog . APA Reference Tomasulo, D. (2018). My Best Friend Has Started Molesting Me in My Sleep. Psych Central . Retrieved on June 30, 2018, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2018/06/30/my-best-friend-has-started-molesting-me-in-my-sleep/
Last updated: 27 Jun 2018 Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 27 Jun 2018Published on PsychCentral.com. All rights reserved.